weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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