I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
