theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
