she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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