Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
