fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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