just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
