True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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