Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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