Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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