Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
