shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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