Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
