the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We got so high we made milksteak
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
