I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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