I will die if light touches me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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