White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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