Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
