Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
