just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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