the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
