What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
