did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
