so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
