Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize