CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
