I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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