Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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