i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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