My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
