It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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