I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Me. At least after what I've been through.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
