I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
