You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
