I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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