I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
