Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
