if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
