the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
