he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
