I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Boobs speak an international language.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
