Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
