I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
