he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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