Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
