i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
