Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
