Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
