Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
