she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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