How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
