There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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