Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
