Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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