from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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