It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
