I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
