Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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