hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
