i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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