gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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