You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
