just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
