I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize