Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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