I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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