I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
