so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i believe in u and ur pee
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
