i barfeds in our rink
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
