we have officially lost it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
