I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
