dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
